The AbGymnic Electronic Ab Belt: Workout device or super-shock death machine belt thing!?
Ahh, the amazing ab belt. If you've watched tv for more than 30 seconds in the past 6 months you know exactly what I'm talking about. The magic device that will give you washboard abs without lifting a finger! Sure you've got to take repeated jolts of electricity to the gut, but you don't have to lift any fingers! I admit I was intrigued from the first time I saw these commercials. I knew I had to have one, but the price tags were always a little high, and my dream went unanswered. Unanswered, that is, until the day I bothered to check EBay and found it littered with these beauties for around $10. My day had come!
Before I get further into my personal experience with the ab belt, I'd like to talk about exactly how this product is marketed. The commercial features several very muscular men and women parading around in bathing suits while wearing "the belt." It's implied that they gained these bodies through almost no effort simply by wearing "the belt" on various parts of their bodies. The models are shown smiling as their well developed muscles jiggle under the power of "the belt's" "gentle massage feeling." "The belt" can be worn while doing other things such as watching television, laying in the sun, or even at work UNDER YOUR CLOTHES! After using "the belt" for only 10 minutes you'll feel like you've done the equivalent of 600 SITUPS! Never has getting in shape been this easy! Now, after only one night of owning "the belt", I would like to compare my experience with that of the commercial.
ROCKET'S EXTENSIVE TESTING:
Now I do have to be fair to "the belt." The first time I used it I didn't read the directions past how to turn it on. Apparently it's pretty important to add "water or a water-based lotion" as a conductor. Why? Remember that scene in The Green Mile when they put that guy in the electric chair without wetting the sponge? Imagine that happening to your stomach. I've got some nice burns to show for it. Do I think that, had I used it properly, this piece of shit would do what it says it will? I really doubt it. My Mick Foley physique gives away that I'm no fitness pro, but i'm smart enough to know that if this $10 glorified joy buzzer was the key to a better body, we would live in a much different world.
Results (Rated on a scale of 1-10)
This is a tough one. On one hand, the thing is an obvious ripoff that will never do what it claims. On the other it's a belt that shocks the fuck out of you, which is undeniably cool. Everyone has a friend they want to trick into wearing something like this. And for $10 on ebay plus shipping, it's a steal. My recommendation: remove the warning about using a conductor and market it as "The Chamber" home game.
AbGymnic Electronic Ab Belt:
If you're looking to get in shape (-50)
How big is Dr. Rocket's penis?
It dwarfs the sun with its immensity
No one truly knows, and many posit that it has no definable ending, therefore no definable size.
Total votes: 6